*By MARY+
We talk to people and listen to their opinions, trying to understand and create a festival in a context of inclusion, which guides us in everything we do. Here we gather the reasons people give us for their opposition and offer our own response, or explanation, of how we see things.
Let's look at some of the reactions we heard from the people we asked:
- The purpose of Pride is not clear to them
- There are extremes with which they do not want to identify
- They themselves feel that there is provocation
- Sexuality is not a serious reason for someone to feel proud
- It is a one-off event, while their lives are everyday
- Private interests are being promoted in a marketing context that has nothing to do with the community
- They do not feel the need to assert themselves or are accustomed to taking a more passive stance
- They feel that there is politicization or sometimes partisanship and/or they do not identify with the broader context
- They see what is happening in the media or social media and draw general conclusions
- They are afraid
Let's give an explanation here of why we insist on Pride and what it means to us.
The purpose of Pride is not clear to them
Many LGBTQI people are not sure why the Pride Parade should take place and what purpose it serves. Is it a party? Is it a protest? Is it a cultural event? A political event? A marketing tool? What about straight people? Why don't straight people have their own Pride parade? Aren't they proud too?
Answer:
Pride began as a protest in June 1969, when the Manhattan Special Forces in New York raided the Stonewall gay bar, using violence and harassment against the patrons, something that happened quite often. The people who were present, drawing strength from the movements of the time that were fighting for equality in human rights, became enraged and in the following days organized a movement with the aim of demanding rights and ending the use of violence by the police against LGBT people.
Pride refers to a protest march, but the term Pride is used, implying that everyone can be proud of who they are. Obviously, our straight fellow human beings can be perfectly proud of who they are, but for them, no legal rights are being taken away. May we one day have exactly the same rights, and perhaps then we will no longer need to hold Pride events.
Unfortunately, we still see violence (both verbal and physical) against LGBTQI people today. This may not involve organized police attacks (on the contrary, the organized police seem to stand by each and every one of us who suffers violence), but it is a phenomenon that has not only not disappeared, but is reinforced by all kinds of hate speech.
The LGBTQI community has chosen to transform and honor the Pride parade with color, not black short sleeves, with music, not "stern" voices, with dancing, not clenched fists, in a way that is more reminiscent of the victory of love over violence, hatred, and everything that casts shadows on the human soul. It is a different way of saying "present" in the preservation of every human being's dignity.
There are extremes with which they do not want to be identified.
Many people feel that those who participate in the March offend the morals and values of society, either with the symbols they carry, the way they dress, or the slogans they shout.
Of course, we who are there do not see these things as extreme, as the people there are perfectly fine, respectful, smiling, and polite. However, when you read about it on social media, without being there yourself, it is easy to construct an image in your mind that is imbued with the misinformation that the media artfully wants to promote.
Answer:
The fact that each person chooses how to express themselves on that day does not affect or undermine the obvious: that all people should have the same human rights and be free to be themselves without hiding.
Although in Cyprus we do not see the extremes that we see in some parades abroad, which people cite as a general example (e.g., insults to God), there will always be at least one person whose way of expressing themselves does not follow certain standards, and this may offend some people's "aesthetic sensibilities." However, this does not give us the right to judge, mock, and disrespect, especially if this expression respects the general context of society.
The next time someone says that extremes occur at Pride, just think about what happens everywhere else in society: in the stands of sports stadiums, for example, half-naked organized fans throw objects and curse their opponents' mothers in front of young children.
Nevertheless, none of those who rail against Pride would think to compare and say that all fans are like that, that soccer should be banned, that it sets a bad example for children, or that these people should not have children.
Replace the stadium with any other extreme: organized hunters who block major roads, organized groups who break everything they find, children giving Nazi salutes, young people burning symbols of people in bonfires, etc. If they weren't gay, it wouldn't be such a big deal.
Yes, we don't all agree on everything, we wouldn't want extremes either, we can't justify or control them, but unfortunately they happen in other regimes too. And it is at least unfair to blame Pride alone for them.
They themselves feel that there is provocation
One step before extremism is provocation. Many of our fellow human beings believe that "it's okay to be gay, but it's provocative to show it."
Response:
"I have no problem with gay people as long as they don't provoke" means I have no problem when gay people hide and don't put me in an awkward position. When they are themselves, I have a problem, and this is, of course, the basis of homophobia and hatred against a group of our fellow human beings.
Beyond that, however, many people who actually believe that they "have no problem with gay people" and that if they see a kiss, it will be fine and cool, experience a storm in their minds when they see people whose gender expression deviates from the norms of today's culture and the standards of the times.
Obviously, this includes our transgender fellow human beings, with transphobia mainly characterizing those who have no contact with these people, who statistically make up 1% of the population. Many people in the community are bothered by transgender people because they feel that they are not convenient for what they want to achieve or that the assertion of this group's rights undermines the achievements of the movement or even negates what has been built so far.
At the same time, however, we ourselves know firsthand what exclusion means, but also what it means to have no choice in what and how you should feel.
The problem is not trans people. It is that we fail to understand the basis of inclusion. It is that we ourselves put asterisks on which human rights we choose to support.
Inclusion, respect, and love concern all people, especially the most vulnerable groups. The primary goal is to transform our society into an inclusive one.
A society where every individual feels that they belong and that they are equal to every other member of society, regardless of their characteristics.
Inclusion does not mean reducing or removing the rights or privileges of the many for the few, but rather that all people everywhere, without exception, enjoy exactly the same rights.
Sexuality is not a serious reason for someone to feel proud.
"This is a very personal matter, so why does anyone need to talk about their sexuality? What is the point? Why should anyone be proud of such a thing? Let them do whatever they want in their own bed, as long as they don't bother anyone else or show it off in public."
Answer:
Sexual orientation is one thing, and gender identity or expression is another. Unfortunately, most people equate sexual orientation with the act of sex, which is completely wrong. One's innate orientation is not the same as the act itself.
Referring to one's sexual orientation or gender identity does not indicate anything related to sex, but rather a situation regarding some of their characteristics for which they lack rights, without having done anything illegal. Nor do they do so to provoke (after all, why would anyone want to provoke and receive abusive comments from the world?).
However, coming out is beneficial in many ways in terms of visibility. A person who is not LGBTQI has nothing to gain (nor to lose) if another person comes out as LGBTQI. It is completely useless information (just as irrelevant as, for example, information about someone having ADHD when the person hearing it does not).
However, to a person who is LGBTQI, this statement will sound completely different. If most of us had heard such statements while growing up, perhaps our lives would have been a little different, a little sweeter, perhaps even easier.
Pride is nothing more than a person's journey to accept themselves. When they achieve this, especially if it is done in a context of hatred and contempt, then yes, it is an act of courage and pride. And that is what is worth celebrating.
It is a single event, while their lives are everyday
"I'm not going to wait for Pride to live my life, I don't need to show up once a year, our lives happen every day."
Answer:
We completely agree. And that is why Accept LGBTQI Cyprus, as well as any other organized LGBTQI association, organizes various events, panels, discussions, film screenings, empowerment groups, etc. with the aim of helping in a more general context. It doesn't wait once a year.
However, Pride is the only time of the year when people can come together and show their strength. Every action or struggle is given in our presence. When we are not present, no one knows that we exist or that we need to fight.
By being at an organized event, we take up space, and then no one can use the line "I didn't know you had such issues" to justify their homophobia. Plus, our struggle has always been political. Politicians will only address our rights if they see that it is worth gaining votes from doing so. Society has the power to change parties and political directions when it acts in unison.
Private interests are promoted in a marketing context that has nothing to do with the community.
"There are ulterior motives; some people make a lot of money from Pride, promoting products, parties, companies as they see fit, and especially entities that have nothing to do with the community. Companies that do not have the knowledge or do not really care about human rights give sponsorships because it is in their interest."
Answer:
That's another matter. There are many companies or entities in general that want to support Pride as part of their corporate social responsibility. Whether they do it right, whether it's just for show, and whether there's no inclusion within their companies is another issue, for which Pride is obviously not to blame.
However, the organizers have a responsibility to check which companies they work with and which path they choose: the path of sponsorship regardless of which company it comes from, or the path of meaningful partnerships that will have a positive impact and longevity, helping the community and the evolution of society?
First of all, it should be noted that organizing an event in support of human rights undoubtedly involves operational costs, especially for an event that relies mainly on volunteer work to run. It is inevitable that there will be cooperation with potential financial benefits, and often these partnerships require, as advertised, whoever stands by your side with practical help.
This is not a matter of marketing. It is a matter of support. In Cyprus, the Pride Parade is based on partnerships and not simply sponsorships. Partnerships require, among other things, training for the staff of the partners, so that awareness of human rights issues can be cultivated.
In general, our proposal is that every company and every organization incorporate corporate social responsibility into their culture, stand by society, and move in this direction.
They do not need to assert themselves or are accustomed to taking a more passive stance
These individuals usually do not want to be identified with any visibility campaign, perhaps because they have not learned how important it is to accept themselves unconditionally, because they have no contact with people who are truly deprived, or because life has simply turned out that way for them and they do not feel they need it.
And we see this happening often: people who do not want a family do not want to "disturb" society with the issue of having children, people who have never thought about marriage say that civil partnership is fine, people who are not transgender do not understand the need for hormone therapy, etc.
Perhaps they themselves subconsciously do not believe that they can, are entitled to, or deserve to have what their fellow human beings have, and this happens when there is no visibility and therefore no points of reference. How can you claim something when you don't see around you that it is possible to achieve?
And that is the power of claiming. To fight in an organized way to gain something. In Cyprus, we don't do this very much as citizens; we have learned to wait or accept rather than claim. That's why when someone does demand something, society's first reaction is to mock them from the comfort of their sofa. It's easy for many people to turn a blind eye when their fellow citizens are deprived of something. As long as their own privileges are not lost.
Answer:
It is perfectly understandable that not everyone wants to actively participate in everything, especially if they do not feel that something expresses their views. And we are not here to convince them otherwise.
However, an approach of "if it doesn't affect me, I don't care" cannot be valid in organized events, especially when they have an impact on the whole of society.
We come into contact with people and situations, many of which are unprecedented even for us. Our approach and how we see things are dynamically shaped by the stimuli we receive.
The fact that we fight for issues that some people do not feel deserve the importance we give them is simply a personal opinion. When you choose to join the dance, you will learn why we fight for so many issues.
They feel that there is politicization or sometimes partisanship and/or they do not identify with the broader context
"The fact that we are fighting for the rights of a vulnerable minority should not mean that we have to fight for the rights of all other vulnerable minorities, e.g., with immigration, wars, etc. Why should we confuse them all?"
Answer:
We are not confusing them. However, human rights and their distribution are not a la carte. Structural inequalities can only be dismantled across sectors.
We cannot, for example, talk about equality in terms of sexual orientation and not take into account inequalities in terms of gender, race, color, and religion.
Every person is unique, and for this reason, all human rights apply equally regardless of their characteristics. Note that there are people around us who are both LGBTQI and belong to other groups at the same time. It goes without saying that we accept all individuals without exception, wherever they come from, and it goes without saying that we will listen to their stories.
However, it is true that there is a general sensitivity to issues concerning vulnerable groups. This has nothing to do with politicization, partisanship, or generalization of our goals—it is a matter of principle, values, and love. We discuss issues of inclusion and human rights, and we see them being violated around us in many ways. If we turned a blind eye to things that do not affect us, it would be hypocritical.
Our struggles are for every human being, regardless of their characteristics, using sexual orientation and gender identity as a basis.
They see what is happening in the media or on social media and draw general conclusions
"I cannot support an event that promotes anything that is not in line with my own ethics, an event that causes so much hatred on social media and puts me in such a difficult position." .
Answer:
Hate is only provoked by those who express it. If a person has love, respect, kindness, and understanding within them, they will have these qualities in all their interactions. They will not be influenced by the circumstances at hand.
Nevertheless, there is an understanding of how the media and social media in general can bring out the worst in many people. And the truth is that they will do whatever they can to get a few more clicks, even if it means that the message falls into the category of intentional or unintentional misinformation, creates polarization, or even reaches the limits of hatred.
They will much more easily choose as their main photo the 3-5 half-naked people in the otherwise 35-degree heat of the Cypriot sun.
The people who were getting ready for their show that night, rather than the whole context of the show. The people who seem to be getting away with something, rather than those who never lost their composure. They will choose these over the 3,000-5,000 people who are there and who have nothing to distinguish them from people who are at the mall, the cafe, or the playground at that moment.
We can't do anything about that. We can only show our own photos and our own snapshots and our own speeches and the universal image as we experience it by being present.
Our own Pride.
10. They are afraid
"I'm afraid someone who knows me will see me on TV, I'm afraid someone will judge me, I'm afraid there will be incidents, I'm afraid they will say that I am provoking or offending them, even though I know I have never done such a thing. I'm afraid."
Answer:
We know. We've been there. We feel you. But living in fear is not living. None of us ever wants to provoke; on the contrary, each of us has spent half our lives hiding, trying not to put anyone close to us in a difficult position and trying to fit in with the group. How can they say that we want to provoke?
But we don't want to, and we're not going to do anyone the favor of thinking that their hate speech and abusive language is effective. That it works and pushes us back into the closet. How can they use violence, verbal or physical, to "restrict" homosexuality, because then it will not be visible in society. And take credit for achieving this. We cannot allow yet another lie to take root.
We have love as our beacon. We believe in the power of love and how it unites. We celebrate love in all its forms.
For those of us who choose to support it, Pride is much more than a wild party.
It is a reminder that the struggle for love, inclusion, respect, equality, and equal rights, and the assertion of human rights is always timeless, cross-sectoral, and crucial. Our fellow human beings find visibility, support, and acceptance. They find community and feel like they belong somewhere. Pride is a means to claim and win self-evident human rights.
Everyone can criticize it in whatever way they can, but for us, the need for its existence and support is a matter of human dignity. And that alone is enough for us to continue to support it.
