Feeling nervous when meeting new people or entering unfamiliar social situations is common. But for some people, that anxiety becomes strong enough to affect relationships, education, work and everyday life.
Social anxiety disorder affects up to 12% of people at some point in their lives, while research from the University of Chichester found that more than one in five university students experience some form of social anxiety during their studies.
For students, the transition to university can be particularly difficult, with expectations to make friends quickly while adjusting to an unfamiliar environment.
When anxiety starts limiting daily life
Mary, whose name has been changed, began struggling with social situations as a teenager. Her anxiety became severe enough to contribute to depression and time away from school.
At university, she increasingly avoided groups, clubs and societies and completed her undergraduate degree without forming close friendships.
She described conversations with unfamiliar people as overwhelming, with physical symptoms including feeling hot, tingling in her hands and struggling to form words. Afterwards, she would repeatedly analyse what had happened and experience intense feelings of shame.
Neil Greening, chair of the Social Anxiety Alliance UK, says people experiencing social anxiety can interpret their difficulties as evidence of something fundamentally wrong with their personality, rather than recognising anxiety as something for which support is available.
The distinction from ordinary nervousness is important. Feeling shy before meeting someone or attending a job interview is normal. Social anxiety becomes more concerning when it prevents someone from doing things they would otherwise want or need to do.
Everyday habits can reinforce anxiety
People may develop behaviours intended to make uncomfortable situations feel safer.
These can include:
- staying quiet or giving very short answers
- looking at a phone to avoid interaction
- remaining close to one trusted person
- standing at the edge of groups
- restricting conversations to familiar subjects
- avoiding eye contact
- mentally rehearsing sentences before speaking
Although these strategies may reduce discomfort temporarily, relying on them can make it harder to discover that feared social situations may be more manageable than expected.
Greening also said there is some evidence that social anxiety is increasing, with smartphone use and remote working potentially contributing by reducing opportunities for face-to-face interaction.
Shift attention away from yourself
Mary later received cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) through the NHS, an established treatment for social anxiety that focuses on changing patterns of thinking and behaviour.
University of Oxford psychologist Professor David Clark says one useful step is reducing excessive self-monitoring during conversations.
Someone experiencing social anxiety may constantly wonder whether they are blushing, appearing nervous or saying the wrong thing.
Instead, Clark recommends directing attention towards the conversation, the other person and the surrounding environment.
Test anxious predictions
Another approach involves gradually testing the predictions anxiety creates.
This could mean contributing to a group conversation or asking a question in a meeting and then paying attention to what actually happens.
People with social anxiety may predict that they will embarrass themselves, appear boring or be judged negatively. Testing those assumptions can help challenge them, although the process can initially feel difficult.
Clark also advises gradually dropping the “safety behaviours” people use to protect themselves socially, including avoiding eye contact, rehearsing everything before speaking or remaining beside the same trusted person throughout an event.
Stop replaying conversations afterwards
The anxiety does not necessarily end when a social encounter does.
People may spend hours replaying conversations and focusing on things they believe went wrong. Clark advises trying to reduce this post-event rumination, because memories of what happened can become distorted through repeated negative analysis.
Mary recognised this pattern in her own experience. Therapy helped, but so did discovering that other people did not necessarily view her social abilities as negatively as she viewed them herself.
She is now completing postgraduate studies, participating more in social situations and has joined an astronomy group.
The anxiety has not disappeared completely. Instead, she has learned that managing it is a gradual process involving challenging avoidance rather than expecting every interaction to go perfectly.
Source: BBC
