Exam season often brings stress into the home. Teenagers feel it, parents feel it, and conversations that are meant to help can quickly turn into tension. According to Cynthia McVey, some of the most common phrases parents use may unintentionally make things harder rather than easier.
“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine”
It sounds reassuring, but it can feel vague or dismissive. Students already know they are expected to be “fine”, but what they need is recognition that the process is stressful. Acknowledging the pressure while encouraging effort is often more helpful.
“Exams were much harder when I was at school”
This tends to frustrate more than comfort. It shifts the focus away from the child’s experience and can make them feel misunderstood. Exams are challenging in every generation, and that is what matters.
“Shouldn’t you be revising?”
This question often lands as criticism. Instead of prompting action, it can trigger defensiveness. A better approach is to ask if they have a plan and offer support without imposing it.
“It will all be over soon”
For some, this is reassuring. For others, it creates pressure about running out of time. The effect depends on the individual, which makes it a phrase to use with caution.
“Are you sure that’s the best way to revise?”
This can easily turn into conflict. Students often develop their own revision methods, even if they seem unconventional. Trusting their process can help maintain calm during an already intense period.
“Look at what others are achieving”
Comparisons rarely motivate. More often, they make students feel judged or unsupported. Most are already aware of how others are performing, and repeating it adds unnecessary pressure.
“I expect you to get…”
Setting rigid expectations can increase anxiety without improving performance. Results are not always within a student’s control, and pressure framed in this way can be counterproductive.
“You will regret it if you don’t try harder”
It may be true, but it is not always useful to say. Long-term consequences are difficult to process in the moment. Encouragement focused on doing one’s best is more effective.
A more supportive approach
Advice from experts and resources such as BBC Bitesize highlights the importance of balance. Students benefit from calm support, space to manage their own time and reminders to rest as well as study.
If results do not go as planned, reassurance remains key. Exams are one part of a longer process, and maintaining a steady, supportive environment can make a meaningful difference.
Source: BBC
